Who Says Shopping Has To Be Boring?
by Razorwind's Angel
Summary: Oh god this has got to be my most insane, stupid, pointless peices of work yet. But hey my boyfriend liked it, so why not! This is what happens when you get Gundam Pilots and three pranking teenagers in Wal-Mart...


A/N: This is just insanity, inspired by a 'Things to do at Wal-Mart while your friends

A/N: This is just insanity, inspired by a 'Things to do at Wal-Mart while your friends./family take their own sweet time' that my mom gave me. It sounded like some of the things that my boyfriend, my sister and I would try, but I just had to add in the Gundam pilots just to make it more fun! Ah man just read the story people!

Dedicated to: My boyfriend, Razorwind. You may be insane, but hey, so am I! I love ya babe!

And my sister, Setsuna. Girl, you scare me…^.^…but you are still my sister so I guess it doesn't matter.

Rating warning: The list said that these jokes were PG-13, so far be it from me to argue with that.

Other: I'm Umi, my boyfriend is Azerith, and my sister is Suna. 

Who Said Shopping Had To Be Boring?

Setting: Klamath Falls Wal-Mart Super Store

Around 3 in the afternoon

Duo: Ah man, why'd you have to drag us along on this trip Umi?

Wufei: Really, Onna, this is has got to be _the _most boring trip you have ever planed. 

Azerith: *Smacks Wufei upside the head* What have I told you about calling my girlfriend 'Onna'?

*Wufei just mutters something about injustice under his breath and keeps walking.*

Heero: How did you think that going to Wal-Mart with your mom was going to be fun?

*Suna and Umi just grin*

Suna and Umi: You'll see!

*Everyone except Umi and Suna fall in a collective heap on the floor, all sweat dropped*

*Mom turns to the group*

Mom: All right guys, I'm off to get the things I need. Meet me back here in an hour, and don't cause too much trouble!

*Mom turns and leaves. Umi and Suna grab random limbs and pull the G-Boys and Azerith off the ground*

Umi: Up guys! Up! Come on! We've got some havoc to wreak! 

*Duo is up in a flash*

Duo: Did some one just say havoc?!

Suna: Duh, Maxwell. Why do you think we dragged you here?

Duo: *Confused* to shop for tampons?

Suna and Umi: *Sweat dropped* No, dumb ass…

Umi: We're here to have some fun!

Trowa: This place is a store, there for it is impossible to have fun.

Umi: Trowa, Trowa…poor naive Trowa…look at all these unsuspecting people…all these workers, going about their daily business like little worker ants. *Looks to Suna with a plotting expression* They have no idea.

Heero: *Raising an eye brow* No idea of what?

Suna: All right guys, gather around. *Everyone gets in to a huddle* Now, here's the plan…

*Azerith walks through the pharmacy department, glancing over his shoulder every few seconds. He finally stops near the condom displays and grabs a whole bunch of boxes. While whistling nonchalantly he walks by people waiting on their medication and drops a few boxes in each cart. He dodges behind another aisle and waits*

Person #1: HEY! What the heck?! I didn't put these condoms in here! 

*Azerith snickers*

Person #2: I'll kill who ever did this!

*Azerith holds his mouth shut with his hand, snorting as he's trying not to laugh*

Person #3: Oh how embarrassing…

*Azerith can no longer hold his laughter. He falls over on the ground kicking and screaming hysterically. Everyone looks over at him.*

Person #2: He did this!

Person #3: GET HIM!

Azerith: Uh oh! *Gets up and runs like a bat out of hell as a murderous mob follows him*

*Duo wanders past the display of alarm clocks, almost passing all the way by them, but doubling back. He waits until the nearest sales person is away, and sets to work. Once he is done he rushes back to a near by display case and ducks behind it, giggling like a little school girl all the while. He waits. After about two minutes one alarm clock starts to go off, just as a clerk walks by.*

Duo: Oh this is too cool…

Clerk: Wha the? *Reaches over and turns the alarm clock off and starts to walk away*

Duo: Just wait kid…

*Another alarm clock starts to go off*

Clerk: *Doubles back and turns this one off, too, and stands there scratching his head* Now how in the-

*Another alarm clock starts to go off* 

Clerk: Now this is just getting ridiculous!

*Duo can hardly contain himself. Another alarm clock goes off. Then another, and another. Soon about ten alarm clocks are going off at once and the clerk can't keep up. He drops to his knees in the middle of the department, pulling his hair out.*

Clerk: WHEN WILL THE INSANITY STOP!!!!

*Duo looses it right there and falls over laughing. The clerk looks over and sees him*

Clerk: *Pointing accusingly* YOU! 

Duo: Oh shit!

*Heero is wandering around the Toy Department, looking for his victim. He sees a pretty blonde helping a child out.*

Heero: Mission accepted…

*He saunters up to her slowly, waiting until she appears to be alone. Once her back is turned, he walks up behind her and leans down to whisper in her ear.*

Heero: *Whispers* I think we have a code 3 in housewares…

*The female clerk stands up straight, eyes wide. Heero quickly disappears in to the shadows, watching her from his hiding place. The clerk runs off, probably to find the manager. Heero smiles slyly*

Heero: Mission complete…

*Trowa is heading for the layaway department with a bag of M&M's in his hand*

Trowa: *Mutters* I can't believe that I'm doing this…*He looks down at the bag of M&M's and actually cracks half a grin* Still…it is kind of funny…It wouldn't hurt to try it.

*Trowa walks in to the lay away department and places the bag down on the counter, leaning on it like he owns the place*

Clerk: *Looks up at Trowa, very confused.* May I…help you?

Trowa: *Very no-nonsense voice* Yes, I would like to put these on layaway.

Clerk: But sir…

Trowa: Don't 'But sir' me! I said I would like to put these on layaway! 

Clerk: *Obviously thinking that Trowa's insane* Okay…*Takes out a calculator* That will be…32 cents sir.

Trowa: *Takes out 32 cents, trying hard not to grin* Thank you.

Clerk: *Achem* yes, and you have a nice day now, sir.

*Trowa walks slowly out of the department, until he gets around the corner where he books it, laughing his ass off all the while*

*Azerith comes blasting out one of the aisles, near the out door equipment, panting for breath. Behind him the angry mob is still following, and he still has a huge grin on his face, despite the danger he's facing.*

Duo's voice: Psst! Azerith!

*Azerith looks around franticly. The mob is getting closer.*

Umi's voice: YO! Dip shit!

*Azerith finally spots the tent set up in the middle of the camping isle. Umi is poking her head out.*

Azerith: Is that any way to speak to your boyfriend?

*The crowd is getting even closer. You can hear the chants of 'Kill him!' clearly now. Umi grabs Azerith's arm with a huge sigh of frustration and pulls him in. The mob passes.*

Azerith: Shit that was close!

Duo: Don't worry, I had to hide from an insane sales clerk. 

*Some one 'knocks' on the door flap. Umi throws it back to reveal some kid standing there.*

Kid: Can I come in?

*Umi looks over her shoulder at the guys and grins plottingly.* 

Umi: Only if you get us a pillow from the bedding department.

Kid: But I wanna come in!

Duo: Kid, we'll let you in if you get us a pillow! Now chop chop! We're tired in here!

*The kid takes off and they wait about ten minutes. The kid finally comes back with the pillow. Umi takes it from him.*

Kid: Can I come in now?

Manager's voice: HEY YOU KIDS! GET THE HELL OUTTA THAT TENT!

*The manager comes out of no where, running and swinging his fist. The kid screams like a banshee and runs off. Laughing like crazy the other three take off out of the tent. Duo throws the pillow behind him, causing the manager to fall end over end.*

Duo: You have a lousy tent anyway!

*Umi is walking around the perfume department, acting indecisive about what she wants. Azerith is behind a display case, waiting. A female clerk comes up to her.*

Clerk: May I help you, Miss?

Umi: *Quickly working up some tears, her lip quavering dramatically* Why won't you people just leave me alone!

Clerk: *Surprised* Um, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you!

Umi: *Still crying* You people just keep asking and asking! I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND IF YOU KEEP BOTHERING ME! 

Clerk: Miss, if I've bothered you in anyway-

Umi: AZERITH! SHE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!

*Azerith comes out from behind the display, protectively putting his arms around Umi's shoulder. She feigns crying in to his shirt, when in actuality she's laughing her ass off.*

Azerith: Look what you've done! You should be ashamed!

Clerk: I didn't mean anything! I was just asking her-

Azerith: Yeah, asking her! That's all you people ever do! Ask ask ask! Well, I'm sick of it! Come on, Umi…

*The two walk away, leaving the clerk stunned. Once they are out of an ear shot they bust in to laughter and slap high fives*

*Jon and Duo are in the bike area, darting around suspiciously, humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. Duo even drops to the floor and does an army crawl for extra affect. This ploy works until they are spotted by the manager while trying to get the 'evidence of government conspiracy' (A bike horn) and have to run like hell again*

*Wufei is in the gun department, looking over a nice looking double barreled shot gun. He looks up at the clerk, trying hard not to smile*

Wufei: Excuse me sir, do you know where the anti-depressants are?

Clerk: …Security! 

*Wufei turns and runs*

Wufei: JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED!

*Suna and Umi are in the car department. They spot the rows of funnels and grin at each other. They each grab two, pull out some string they brought, and tie them around their chests. They start doing the poses from 'Vogue', attempting to sing like Madonna. This works out fine, even getting a few cat calls from guys walking by, until the nearest female clerk sees them, and they both reluctantly give up the funnels and move on.*

*Quatre walks by clothing and sees one of those round clearance racks. He grins and jumps in. He waits until a group of teenage girls come up to the rack. They are all jabbering and looking though the clothes*

Quatre: *In tiny little voice* Pick me! Pick me!

Girl #1: Did you hear something?

Quatre: Pick me! Pick me!

Girl #2: Something in there just talked!

Quatre: Just pick me! Please! I need a good home!

*One of the girls throws back the clothes to reveal Quatre*

Girl #3: Nice one kid….

Quatre: heh heh…hi ladies…

*Suna is walking around, looking for the others. One last prank needs to be pulled. Suddenly an announcement comes over the loud speakers*

Loudspeakers: Clean up on isle four. Clean up on isle four. 

*Suna drops to the ground and curls up in fetal position and holds her head in her hands* 

Suna: NO NO NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!!! NO NO! GO AWAY!!!

*Some one walks over and touches her gently on the shoulder.*

Person: Excuse me, are you all right? 

*Suna stands straight up, perfectly calm, and brushes herself off.*

Suna: No no, I'm fine thank you. 

*She walks away, leaving the person to stand there gawking. She gets around the corner and books it, nearly collapsing to the ground with laughter.*

*All of them meet back up front, whistling and looking around innocently. Mom shows back up with all her things.*

Mom: Well good, you kids met me like you were supposed to. Did you have fun?

Umi: *While the others are snickering behind her* Yes, Mom, we had lots of fun. We should come back here more often. 

*Duo busts in to laughter until Suna smacks him. Everyone continues to snort and snicker. Mom, ever the oblivious, doesn't notice.*

Mom: All right then, let's get going. We don't want the ice cream to melt. 

*The angry mob suddenly comes around the corner, some how accumulating many people since it was chasing Azerith. The insane clerk that Duo tortured now heads it up. *

Insane clerk: THERE THEY ARE!

Mob person: KILL THEM ALL!

Quatre: OH NO!

Azerith: RUN!

*The group takes off out of the store. The mob follows. Chaos insues, leaving Mom to stand there in confusion.*

A/N: And that is the wonderful insanity that is me. Stay tuned for more misadventures of my friends and I!


End file.
